Dear Spammer
Dear Spammer,
Thank you for your recent email. However, there are just a few points I would like to raise with you.
When you send me your ads, please don't call me "Friend". If you were my friend, you would know my name. And "first%20name" doesn't work for me either.
I don't buy my medicines from internet marketers — particularly those who assure me they can sell me drugs without a doctor's consultation or prescription.
Thank you for your concern, but I don't want a bigger penis (love muscle, schlong, d1ck, c0ck, etc.) and/or bigger breasts, to last all night (or all weekend), to have multiple orgasms, to give my partner multiple orgasms, to attract more women - or men, or to view pornography showing Paris Hilton with a camel. I don't care what Tommy and Pamela did. And I'd like you to stop inviting my children to view your pornography.
I regret that I am not able to help you move $18,000,000 from Nigeria at this time by allowing you access to my bank accounts.
I don't wish to invest in your “opportunity”, so must forego the great profits I could receive by getting others to invest in your opportunity.
I prefer not to forward your email communication to all my friends and relatives, so will have to take my chances on experiencing great bad luck, or alternatively missing out on the large cash payment Bill Gates is going to send to everyone who does.
I never buy anything from any advertisement which begins with "Finally!!".
If you trick me into opening your email by using a dishonest subject line, I am unlikely to think you are the kind of person I want to do business with.
Yours faithfully,
PS: I know you must be a very successful marketer, and it is wonderful to receive 200 emails from you each day, however, if you could just inject a little more variety into your ads, that would be great.
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